The comeback

On having no maternity style and life after baby number two

Hello! Can you hear me from inside this bubble?! I’ve been living in it for a while, from about the moment I realised I was pregnant with Fausto (who is now 9 months and much cuter than my first child muahaha). It was mostly nausea and a complete lack of energy that kept me from sending out newsletters. My sister once told me, “Being pregnant feels exactly like you’re being held hostage by a baby” and I thought about this every single day for 40 weeks. I know, pregnancy is the miracle of life and I’m very thankful for my body but please remind me to never do it again.

You see reader, when I got pregnant this second time, my plan was to make everyone gasp at how stunning and shiny I looked. I envisioned a photoshoot à la Julia Fox. Outfits as iconic as Rihanna’s. I would keep working out and impress everyone with my exquisite physique. I day dreamt about wearing this Prada full sheer look to expose my ravishing body in a sexy, sophisticated way. I was even going to write a piece on pregnancy dressing before Harling beat me to it.

But alas, that’s not what went down.

Here’s the thing: unless you’re part Human part Influencer Creature, or you’re a billionaire and have your own personal stylist, plus a 24/7 glam squad, you will not have the energy or the will to get dressed up. You’re lucky enough if you can get your body to bend down and put on actual shoes (Birkenstocks don’t count). And if you are none of these things yet still managed to possess a gross amount of energy and look good during your pregnancy, I’m not sure you and I can ever be friends.

** IN MY DEFENCE ** I managed to make it well into my third trimester until I finally gave up and put on a pair of pregnancy leggings (yes, they’re different from regular leggings). And for that reason alone, I commend myself.

Probably he nicest I looked during pregnancy. Note: the lack of trousers.

It’s been a long time, readers, but here I am, ready to face the real world again (which has become even more catastrophically grim and disgusting and everything other than the genocide taking place before our eyes seems meaningless) and get back to a life that’s not completely governed by poop and soundtracked by something other than “INCREDIBLE! WHITE NOISE THAT MAKES BABIES SLEEP IN 2 MINUTES!”. Yes, the moment has come for me to once again rediscover who I am when I’m not MOTHERING.

By now I was supposed to be back at work, but the sad truth is that I was sacked during my mat leave (I’m fine! Really! I’m fine!!!! Everything is fine!!!). Oh, don’t feel sorry for me, it was in many ways a blessing. An opportunity to really get back on my feet, to start feeling like myself again and finally watch the Sopranos. TBH I actually feel a lot less lost than after my first pregnancy.

How come? Besides doing a lot of therapy pre-baby number 2, the biggest reason is probably my good old friend, the anti-depressant. I didn’t want things to spiral out of control like they did when I had Gaspar, so I made sure I could keep taking my medication before I got pregnant again. This might be good news to you too: if you want to have a baby but are worried about your mental health, you can keep taking (or start taking) medication during pregnancy. Obviously check with someone who actually knows what they’re talking about, but some pills are perfectly safe even if you’re breastfeeding. I would also recommend to keep seeing your therapist if possible 🌸

This second time round I’m actually sleeping well most of the time. I obviously still have a ton of meltdowns (iiiittt’s meeeee, Little Miss Meltdown!), but I’m not losing my shit about every small thing. Motherhood feels a little easier, lighter. And instead of devising a plan to murder my spouse every single day, I only think about it like twice, three times a week.

To inaugurate this next stage in my life and to start using my brain again, I took part in a writing workshop at my friend’s (I’m taking the liberty to call you my friend, Alex) recently opened (and already everyone’s favourite) bookshop, Salted Books in Lisbon. I hadn’t felt this dumb and intimidated in a long time — it was great.

In the same spirit as “Imagine your audience naked”, I googled the shit out of all my fellow pupils, hoping to find out that they were all talentless and boring and I had nothing to be nervous about. Of course the opposite happened. Words like Award-winning Yale Mentor* Guest Speaker kept coming up. Fuck!! Who was I kidding!!

After our first class, during which I in fact confirmed that everyone was definitely better than me, I actually started to really enjoy being challenged and appreciating the fact that everyone was definitely better than me. How boring would it have been if I hadn’t learnt anything? And having a bunch of actual writers read and review my work was almost as thrilling as giving birth (I said almost, ok? Jeez, calm down). They’re doing more of these workshops, so if you enjoy writing and are in Lisbon I would definitely sign up! Author Michael Kondor is teaching and he’s honestly fantastic.

Another thing I’ve started doing again is exercising. Not because I feel like I have to get fit, but because I discovered a couple of years ago that I actually enjoy it?? (In case you forgot - how dare you forget - I’ve written many a times about my obsession with barre). Everyone was talking about this one particular instructor at one of those SoulCycle type classes, so I signed up to the front row to get the full experience and WOWZAS. What I thought was going to be a spinning class was in fact 45 minutes of foreplay.

In a heavily packed, candle-lit room, emerges a tall, muscular young man in a tight black tank top and shorts, his hair in perfect braids, his body glowing with sweat but the class hasn’t even started yet. He climbs onto his bike that’s positioned centre stage atop a podium, like some kind of fitness God overlooking his horny disciples. “I wanna feel you today”, he repeats, over and over again with his deep, sultry voice, as we push the limits of our bodies to the sound of Ride it by Jay Sean - the kind of song I can imagine people lose their virginity to (just to be clear: not me). As I did indeed ride it, I kept thinking this man is going to save a lot of lives - or at least give everyone in Lisbon an amazing butt by summer. I witnessed a 60-something woman do two classes back to back for goodness sakes!!!

x Bye and thanks for reading!

I’ll be writing more frequently from now on so stay tuned 🙂

Oh and I’m a freelancer again, so let me know if you want to do something cool together ❤️